imma out

I'm gonna be out for a while. just to fix this thing about EDWARD and I. it totally sucks being like this,i never thought losing him would be the greatest thing that could happen with our fight. Im so tired to crying and crying fro the wrong person.

From friends to a one-sided love story (chp. 4)

Its nice to know that Edward was fully recovered from the heartache that Carmela caused him. He pursued life as if nothing happened which is a good thing. Eventually, he fell for Aiya. Aiya is also a close close close friend of mine. in fact she was the first person I knew when i first stepped foot on high school. I noticed that Edward was totally having a major crush on her. Then he asked me to help him to win her. I just don't get it! Doesn't he learn from his mistakes? geez! That's when gossips started. Everyone thought that Edward was only using Aiya to forget Carmela. But I stood up for him! I told those people that those gossips ain't true. Then I don't know how they got so intimate with each other that made me feel worried. Why? What if Edward would end up broken hearted again? What if he's gonna blame me about all the things that happened about him and his hopeless love life? Its okay if they're so deep in their infatuation but the bad thing is whether they deny it or not they're DISPLAYING it. They keep on holding hands, hugging, and they're always sticking together as if they're glued. Everyone knew how close Edward and I were. They kept complaining on me about Edward and Aiya's PDAs. I know they're only concerned but so do I. But why complain on me?

Now this is where my problem starts. Do you know the feeling of falling for someone you should not fall for? I dont know why, but everytime he holds my hand, hugs me, sit with me and everytime he lay his head on my legs it just make me feel so happy. People find it normal about those stuff about me and Edward because they know that we're only really close. I was starting get jealous of Aiya. Everytime time they're together, I tend to go away in order not to hurt myself. Clarrisse is my close friend too. I told her everything about what i feel for Edward. She would say AWTS eveytime she sees me seeing Edward and Aiya together. But I ain't selfish! Im really proud to say that im not! Coz if im selfish, would i help Edward??

But he doesn't know that. Coz all he thinks about is his self.



*names were changed

From friends to a one-sided love story (chp. 3 )

Well, let say Edward was so determined to win Carmela back. He talked to the department head if he could be in our curriculum and he promised her to do everything not to let her down. The department head saw how determined he was so he agreed. Edward did everything to win Carmela back, but too bad it was all for nothing.

It was very hard for me to see Edward having a very hard time moving on. Sometimes he still believed there's still hope even though there's no more. He used to talk to me on what to do. I really felt guilty. Why? I was the one who really wanted them to be together. I tried my best for Edward to notice her. I can really feel how bad he felt about everything. I tried my very best to help him be his old self again. And slowly I think Im doing a great job. We would do stuff and have fun together. He trusted me and so did I. I used to know everything about him. My mom always approve on whatever I ask her if she'll know that Edward was with me. His mother and his siblings was also close to me. We would do things together. Like sit ,talk,laugh,eat together. GAHHD I really miss the old times. Like how he would entrust to me his belongings when his gone. I also remember how he used to cheer me up when i was so upset about my mom. haiiz..

*names were changed

Been fooled ONCE again

How can I be so stupid? Haven't I learned from my past experiences? I really wanna cry. On the first place why did i have to believe all those made-up stories he told me. He told me, he love. He cared and everything! LIES LIES LIES. I can't explain the hurt i feel right now. i never expected that the people i love are also the people who would hurt me. i just want to cry the pain away

From friends to a one-sided love story (chp. 2 )

I was very busy the whole summer to prepare for high school. I hardly knew he was also in my school but in a different curriculum. He had his life and i had mine. When the class started and ended it seemed to be so ordninary but difference is that i have a whole new environment. Lets say I was the closest one to the 3rd year people in my class. I had friends from my old school that was also there. They introduced me to there classmates and eventually we became close friends. One of them is Carmela. Carmela is a very nice girl, well at at first i thought she was half girl. LOL Anyway, Carmela was my closest friend in the 3rd year along with Jefferson. One day I brought my old wallet with me that was really thick because of the pictures it contained. Carmela got it and laid all the pictures on the table and there where he saw Edward. She was really freakin' out. She was like " Oh Kate, who is this He is SOOOO cute" and I was like " Ohh, thats Edward he used to be my close friend and his in this school too. you know" and she was like "OH MY GOD! really?? he is so cute." Then the next day, its as if Edward knew someone had a crush on him, that i dont-know-why he visited me there. I told him that someone had a crush on the 3rd year but he didn't bother at all.

Carmela wanted me to help her on winning Edward. Because Im a good friend, i agreed. I kept saying good thing about Carmela to Edward. Then it was like magic that Edward did fell for Carmela. I would tease them everytime I see them. You know what Carmela should be thankful but instead she kept pinching me. geez! Edward was on the courting part, I would always help him about evrything conencting to win Carmela. I would reply to her messages for him. I would help him decide which gift to give. There are also those times that Edward would force me to go with him to but Carmela's gift. I really thought that they we're already the in the boyfriend-girlfriend stage, but i thought wrong. Their intimate connection was slowly fading. Thats when i knew Carmela only used Edwars as her past time. I was really hurt to see Edward be totally inlove for the first time and get hurt so bad for the first time. He really had a hard time moving on. It's maybe because his world onlu revolve around Carmela. Then just with a flick, it would all be gone.




*names were changed

From friends to a one-sided love story (chp. 1 )

"Eeew! Get away! you're sooo disgusting:. I said with all the gross i had. He was making bubbles using his saliva and worst he's making it fly. And that's great it landed on me! And on that day I totally hated Edward. I totally disgusted him. First, he doesn't seem to know how to wash his oily face, to comb his messy hair, plus he loves to hang-out with his friends that are UGH! But lets say table's were turned. I got an itsy-bitsy crush on him. Well, maybe because he became the opposite of what i just mentioned earlier except with his friends though. We became close friends eventually. He was not that bad after all. But I still can't forget how his saliva bubble landed on my hand. eeek. Edward, became some a hunk/nice/cool/funny dude. We used to laugh a lot together with our crib. I don't mind boys being with me coz im used to it. Im confortable when im with them. :D We used to do a lot of stuff together.

"Time changes and people does too." and that's a statement i so believe in. I dont know what got into him that made him a snob. It seems he became over confident for the fact that people around him was praising him coz he changed a lot based on his looks. He was definitely a snob. Before we used to have our pictures taken together but when we were in grade 6, I knew he felt that he was so cool coz people liked him. geeez! Anyway, i really didn't mind it at all. SO WHAT??! So we graduated elementary like not good old friends.




*names were changed

feels good to have someone to lean on.

Its really nice knowing that there's someone to be with you when you're losing hope and you feel like no one understands you. Rabbi a.k.a tatay, is this friend my talking about. This past grading i was confused and curious about what to do next. I was on the stage of the one's they called "the identity crisis" but i knew i messed up. I had been problematic on what would happen with my future. I was so focused on it, that i forgot I'm only 15 still in high school. Its just then i realized that i should not have been worrying about this stuff. Because of that so called crisis my grades got low and everything was so difficult for me. I admit i was also starting to be paranoid. This morning, lets say i almost blew the chance given to me to cope up. I'm so depressed. I wanted to cry but i can't. I thought I was strong but i was not. As if it was the end of everything. Among all the people on my contacts i texted my "tatay". I told him everything. He told I must not be so attached about it. Let it be. Just be ready of whatever would happen next. He told me that I was only on the 3rd year i still have the chance, He said i must enjoy being on this stage. But I still felt pity for myself and so did he. But what i really like about my tatay is that he kept listening. Even though there's nothing for me to worry about. He just kept listening and gave me advices on what to do. I joked him that i would cut myself. He was like. "Don't you ever joke about that again. I'll get mad if you would! " And somehow on that part i felt like someone cared for me. And here i am now, free from worries and everything thanks to my "tatay"